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Reply to "Frustrated and scared to have total proctocoletomy"

Hi BBE,

Ok, first off, I am so sorry. Yes, you should be screaming at the Gods, ranting at everyone who will (and won't) listen, crying your way through boxes of kleenex and kicking walls. But, because you are a woman, you are not doing that (and not the opposite!)...you are strong and taking positive action to understand what is going to be done to your body, your anatomy and your healthy. You are being proactive. You are taking control. 

You are right.

If you substituted the word colon for the word testicle would hubby be so calm about it if it were him? (mind you, would he be so calm about it if it were his colon???)

They do not, cannot, shall not and never will get it as long as it is not their body that is being sliced and diced. 

You are a mom and you have a summer camp full of kids at home permanently and need to feel strong and productive. In control of yourself, your sexuality and your energy. 

Firstly, yes, this is a game changer...for a while. Not forever, not for everyone. Just for the immediate future and the short term post op period up to 1yr. (yes, that is a long time but not a lifetime)...you will be dealing with all of the pre-op prep, the surgical week (pain, painkillers, exhaustion, surgery, scars, healing...) and the post op dealing with your new friend (the bag) for a short period of time...prepare for an adaptation period...have no expectations and you will not be disappointed. 

Then the reconnect and the first months with a j pouch (mine is a k pouch so I had a slightly different voyage but still complicated and fraught with the unknown and the terrifying)...the adaptation with your new plumbing...

So yes, this is a biggie. But so is cancer. So is chemo. So is dying and leaving behind a houseful of loved ones. (am I being overly dramatic here to prove a point?) 

In a perfect world you would not have a problem, a polyp or a need for this but your world just got turned upside down on its head and now the choice is yours...or maybe not...I think that the choice was made for you and that is the scariest choice of them all...being sat down and told that you do not have one.

Do not expect family and friends to understand. Do not expect hubby to grasp the enormity of this until you are waking up from general anesthetic and he realizes that he is the one running the household for the next month! (got to smile at that one!)...men react to immediate danger, women plan for it and deal with it before it arrives. (is my 'genderism' showing?)

So cry. You have to. You must, or you will not face things and heal. Crying and mourning are necessary parts of acceptance and healing. We understand that and will help as much as we can. 

Sharon

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