I am so sorry for your struggle and worries. All perfectly normal and valid. I won't try to add much to the other perfectly perfect replies. But, I can tell you, having a J pouch for 26 years now, some things are different forever but the things that really matter get in perspective fast. You'll find a lot of what you thought would be changed forever, either isn't or doesn't matter. I am not minimizing in the least. It is a process, but I promise you it gets better in ways you never imagined. I am forever grateful this surgery is possible. I would never want to go back. Make sure you stay in good support. This forum is invaluable!