Hello everyone. I read all of your posts and I fell lower then before. I feel like there is no hope for me and just want to die. For last 2.5 years I do not live I just pass day by day in pain,tears and I feel like empty shell. From very active,lovely,sociable person I went to autistic and closed person with no social life. I push everybody away and I am mad at my body,life..For 2 years I struggled with j pouch operation, Medrol addiction, half of last year I spend in hospital. Finally everything settled I went to takedown surgery in the Sempember last year and I was hoping that's that. New life,no pains,living "full lungs". And than back to hell-artritis strikes. For last 6 months I am in constant pains,I can sleep,every mouve hurts. It attacted my right knee,hip,shoulder and neck. I struggle every day to wake up and go to work and walk my dog.And thats is wholw world to me. My hubby is soldier so I am most of the time alone,my sister lives far away and I can't allow myself to fall in bed. So I am figthing every day. I feel my life is just passing by and I am only 38 and still having lots of dreams,thing to do,I would like to have kids but I think and feel it's the end for me. I want to divorce my hubby and just dissaper in some hole I die. I used to do everything on my on-from housework to paintin my home,mouving furniture etc. Nothing was hard for me. I do not want to show anyone how I feel cause I am scared they think I am week and everyone used to know me like strog,indeppendent woman who didn't need anybodies help.Now I cant lift my right hand to brush my hair. I am so sick of docs my next appointment is for two weeks with my GI and I am thinking "is there any point to visit her?" I started to take glucosamine ,kondroid and magnesium chloride becouse I read it can help with artritis. Sorry everyone for such a long post I just needed to take it out of my chest. Sorry for my bed English and lack of vocabulary becouse English is not my native language. Wish best to you all.