So so sorry - you deserved a rant - that is a heart breaking story and sadly, it is all too common. The system is really messed up - and it's so upsetting when you work hard your entire life and then the so called things you paid into - govt. programs, etc. - turn out to be crap. It's a scam, really, You get this when you get older and get sick. It's a scam. I am so, so sorry and I wish I had a magic wand to wave to make you better. Can your husband or a friend or someone advocate for you to find a doctor who will take you - you need some help - you are weary and tired and cannot do this yourself. Can you find a social worker to help? I know they are overwhelmed too - try to get someone ELSE in your family or friends to do the calling if you can. If not, give it some time and just try to rest and not do too much - and then try again. You are in "overwhelm" now - if you have to, go to ER for suicidal thoughts (feelings you can't go on) - they have to take you, you at least can get bed rest and meals, etc. for a few days and also they would need to set up a GI consult at the hospital. I was once at such a low point, I was suicidal -this was years ago - I was so ashamed. I went and I don't regret it - and my life has improved a lot since then...it took me being very RADICAL and saying, "I CANNOT do this" and going to hospital to get some help. Also, if you go - get help from social services for yourmother is you can....my gosh - you can't caretake and be so sick at the same time. Do you take anxiety meds or anti depressants? I hope so. Thinking of you.