Frances - you are not alone - and I get the feeling when you see your spouse up and running at 5 a.m. - etc. - and I've often said, "sorry you got stuck with a dud" to my mate, too. He also says, "nonsense" - anyone who has a spouse who sticks by the other through thick and thin - has real love - is so blessed - and I am so thankful for my wonderful spouse - 2nd husband - 1st was a dud - he couldn't handle it. We hear you and care for you and are thinking of you. There isn't a feeling you have had that many of us have not had or have....you are "normal" - but man, life at "normal" as you age and deal with health declines is a son of a bitch at times - pardon my language - but it is!