Hi Branchy,
Please, this is the place to come to cry, explain, complain and be listened to. That is why we are all here. Because we have all lived through the same things. We have all been sick, some of us nearly dying and then we deal with surgeries, pain, depression and post traumatic stress disorder. Plus all of the other autoimmune diseases that come with our disease.
There are a lot of us who suffer from arthritis pain and other joint pain after surgery. It seems as if once they remove the colon the disease finds another place to settle in and start hurting us.
Mine is the right hip, ankle and back. All of that throws my whole body off and then everything else starts to hurt.
I have found that some small things can help a lot.
I use a special heating pad. I is just a bag full of cherry pits sewn like a fat snake. (you can make one with rice of some other grains too...just do not use popcorn!!!) You then put it in the microwave oven for about 3 minutes to heat. I lay it on a yoga mat on the floor and lay on it. I put it under my spine. It feels so good. It makes a lot of the pain go away. Then I wrap it around my hips or neck for more relief.
I use an ice-pack on my ankle to help with the tendonitis.
The other thing that helps me a lot is seeing a Chiropractor on a regular basis.
I see one whenever the flare starts and until it is over...Sometimes it is 2xs/week and other times I can go 2 months without needing to see him...it just depends on the flares.
You are not useless and I doubt if your hubby would appreciate you leaving him because you think that you are.
That is not what marriage is about. It is about being there for those that we love when they need us. It is also about letting them be there for us. It is much harder to be the sick one. (my personal opinion) Especially when we are so used to doing everything for everyone else. Being weak and in pain is no fun and it is depressing and demeaning and makes us feel like there is no reason to live. But that is not true. There is alway a reason. It just takes time.
For now you are in too much pain and you have been suffering for too long.
Like many of us you are still young enough to want to live your life and have a 'real' life where you can go anywhere you want and do anything without constantly being in pain. (does not really matter how old you are, no one wants to suffer and be in pain)
Can you talk to someone where you are? Are there support systems? Psycologists? Do you live on an Army base? Can you see if there is a support group for Army wives? If there is not one then maybe you can create one.
It could be a project for you. Something to keep your mind busy and do some good around you. It helps you to forget some of your pain when you help others.
Is there a swimming pool or a jacuzzi anywhere around where you live? Walking in warm or hot water helps a lot too.
I don't have any real solutions but I do understand.
Do not give up.
Sharon