So sorry Frances - I also have been where you are and it's just awful - somehow, I got past it to a better place - mainly, my totally changing my thinking about life- the guilt for not working....the staying home a lot...etc. etc- I found ways to entertain myself here - took years of relearning...when I feel terrible physically, I do sort of go off the rails...but I think of it as a "new normal" - but again, I worked on this with a therapist and it took me about 8 years to get to a place of more peace, relatively speaking. I am fortunate in that I am an introvert - so I don't miss being out and about, in "clubs" etc. -I do a lot at home, have some friends to do things with, and find ways to find meaning in art, knitting, reading, etc. - not to say this is what will work for you - but I have been where you are when the entire thing is just crap and fighting the insurance is crap and it's so awful...and I wanted to give up...and I didn't...and life is not as bad now. I just want you to know I totally understand. I even checked into the "bin" (laugh - just hospital) as I was feeling suicidal -so, I really do get how you feel...and I'll be damned - in time, with tons of work, I don't feel so bad emotionally anymore - physically - well, that's an up and down thing - but when not in horrible pain or nausea, etc. - I am ok. Please don't give up and know we care out here - you are right - people without this type of illness won't get it (they can't help it) and that was part of why I drastically reduced my social activities - too many times of cancelling - trying to explain...etc. etc. - and it just got old - if you love socializing, then this disease is really tough...if you can learn to enjoy solitude - it's not as bad. I was very social - but not so much anymore and yes, all the "books" say, "you MUST be social" to live long, etc. etc. - well, I have come to the conclusion that the books are right - for most people - but not for all people. Please feel better soon. So sorry you are going thru this.