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Reply to "Family help"

We tend to place a harsh burden on ourselves. Dark thoughts that our relationship issues are caused by our illness, so we are to blame as "damaged goods."

From the cold sociological/biological standpoint, our relationships have to overcome evolutionary hard-wiring which makes most humans (most animals in general) seek out healthy mates.

You'd be surprised how close we are to our primitive ancestors in many things, even though we look at ourselves as enlightened and above the animals.

That can seem like depressing information, but I choose to see it as useful information, which gives me room to address the issue from a different standpoint than "he doesn't care anymore because he doesn't love me anymore."

Knowing that it's not that can lift a burden, and allows me to strategise a response tailored to it. Like planning a "spontaneous" camping trip that was modified.... to a KOA campground with cabins that have toilets, and short trips to events (concets, etc) that yes, involve trips to portable toilets that aren't pleasant for us, but we can live through it. Even went tent camping, and chose a campsite near a restroom. I used it several times during the night, but otherwise had a good time, and made sure my partner had a good time and joined him fishing and doing those things he enjoys.

I find if I apply myself, I can set up activities that are very close to prior activities, but are pre-planned to leave me positioned near a bathroom at all times, and maybe not quite as active.

Creating a shared interest in football and joining a local Green Bay Packers fan club has helped a lot to add a non-illness dimension.

So be pro-active, and look at it as outsmarting the neanderthal part of your spouse's brain by creating (from their perspective) illness-free experiences that help balance out those days where we can't function like we would like to.



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