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Reply to "Emotional rollercoaster and surgery, help!"

Eric,
You have described how you feel so well. I've had most of those thoughts and still am having a difficult time. I was a successful business woman with one business I built from scratch and owned 50% of another one with a great business partner.

I am now receiving Social Security Disability Benefits and they consider my disabilities permanent. There went my hope of getting well enough to work. It is a relief getting approved the first time I applied for benefits but I waited 2 years to apply. I'm still not going to give up hope that I can get better.

I hate to cry too and get upset with myself when I do. I still have days where I wish I could cry as it is such a stress reliever for me. Quit beating yourself up for having normal reactions to your health problems.

I find that I no longer have a filter and words fly out of my mouth that I would never have said before! I've been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I go to weekly therapy and am slowly feeling a bit better. I don't want to leave the house, drive my car, go shopping, to a movie or restaurant. I am quick tempered or I shut down entirely when facing a difficult situation or even a frivolous one that shouldn't bother me at all.

I was on an a daily antidepressant and anxiety medication as needed before my surgeries. I have fibromyalgia as well and the only medications that we've found that helps are antidepressants. I've been dealing with UC for 16 years that I know of. I know I must have had it for years before I was finally diagnosed. My final flare from hell started over 2 years ago and my take down was 20 months ago. I've just fallen apart emotionally and found out it's not all due to being sick. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

After the surgeries my Internist added another antidepressant and she increased the dosage of it 2 more times. Have you discussed this with the doctor that prescribed your antidepressant? If not I wish you would. You might need a larger dose, a different antidepressant or both. The goal is to not over medicate. We don't want to become zombies!

If you are not seeing a therapist I'd like to suggest you look into that as well. My Internist and my insurance company's nurse, in charge of my case, both told me I needed to go into counseling. You need someone that knows how to deal with chronic pain. I went to another therapist first but he just didn't get it at all. I was lucky as the 2nd therapist is experienced with chronic pain and she has it as well. Just getting up the nerve to call the first guy took me months. Simple things and they all seem so hard to do now. This is Debbie Downer talking now and I was worse that this an entire year of therapy ago.

Any time I am in a stressful situation I feel like I'm on my last nerve and that I'm going to blow up. So I pretty much avoid dealing with people that are not necessary. I've even quit going to the hair dresser and I use to have an appointment every 6 weeks. I'm going in tomorrow for the first time in 6 months and I like going there.

I order everything I can on the internet and my husband does all of the grocery shopping. I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. You are 13 years younger than I am and I hate it that you are feeling so blue and have to suffer so much in the prime time of your life.

We are going to get better. It won't be tomorrow or the next day but maybe next month we will see improvement and a year from now we could be feeling so well that we forget about visiting this awesome support site. In spite of all my complaining above I am doing better than a year ago.

Take care, you've got a lot of living to do.
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