I am so sorry Nadine, I understand...it is way too much to handle at one time let alone at any time.
Yes, I have also been sick since birth...first surgeries and colostomy at age 2. Closed by age 3 but the damage was done to my colon/rectum. Joint and severe back pain since kiddihood.
I've got severe food allergies, EDS, a congenital deficiency in collagen that means that my body does not build the glue to hold ligaments and skin together when injured. I am stretchy and pop out of joint constantly, do not heal post-op or post-accident and my spine is very curved...I also have a k pouch. It falls off of the wall regularly, I get hernias like others get colds and things just happen. My mom took DES and the rest is history.
That is my normal.
Yes, I get angry sometimes that I need to work 5xs as hard as anyone else to get half as much result. Surgery means 6 weeks of sutures and another 6 with murphy-ties and 1 year to heal (or hell)...Keeping a job is hard, I am self-employed so that helps a lot but my job requires that I take public transportation and that adds a measure of difficulty to the mix.
Depression? Occasionally...usually when I cannot find a surgeon to fix something...or when I am housebound. Less so since menopause (I believe that hormones had a lot to with the depression)
My dad taught me to always keep active and busy and never give in or give up. Busy minds/busy hands. I am an exerciser, doesn't matter where I am or what is wrong...I keep my body active...that helps my mind too.
I cook & bake a lot for my family even if I can't eat it.
I write, when all else fails, I keep my mind active...
As long as I am doing something else, I do not think about me and my pain, that is my only secret...I avoid meds at all costs but require a minimal dose of antiinflammatories/pain meds 2xs/daily for life of I cannot tie my shoelaces!
That's life.
I would have loved to be born normal, but that can't be changed. I would have loved to not know so much pain or surgery but that can't be changed. I would have loved a loving and supportive family but...I had my dad and uncle...they were the best.
What I can change is how I feel about it all. I scream in the shower sometimes, I workout until I drop, others. I teach and that is the best gift ever.
You need to find your happy place where you do not feel your pain so much.
Your mental escape...
That's all I've got...
Sharon