Death?

hey guys,

  Well, since having my k pouch removed and having my 8th ileostomy created, on November 16th, I’ve been going through a hell I never envisioned. No matter what I do, everything I consume is turned into water, and purged through my stoma, not having absorbed any nutrients. At first I was thrilled because I’ve alwasy wanted to be skinny (most of my adult life, I’ve been around 190-200lbs), but it’s out of control, and nothing can stop it. I was just hospitalized for 11 days for IV infusion as the bloodwork indicated I was severely dehydrated, my kidneys were shutting down, and I was literally starving to death, despite eating more then ever before. Within 3 days, I was 170lbs (I was only 148.3lbs when I was admitted). They pumped me full of saline, IV nutrients, and a ton of medications to slow down what’s left of my bowel (they finally confirmed, I do have short bowel, aka, short gut syndrome), and for the time I was there, it was working, and I was dying to get the heck out and go home (it’s when my depression really kicks in). I came home just this past Monday.....since the meds and ostomy supplies I need are no longer covered by my drug plan, and I have only my disability to live on, I couldn’t afford the insanely expensive $60/day meds the gave me in the hospital. So, after those 11 days, I’m right back to 148lbs, and still loosing. For the first time in my life, I fear for my life. How can I survive when my body can no longer absorb any nutrients? Naturally, my doctor is on vacation until the 22nd, and I just can’t go back and be pumped full of fluid again and again, it’s quite painful, and frankly, is more then my battered psyche can handle. After 30 years, and 37 surgeries, this disease is at a point where it can kill me, and it’s scaring the hell out of me. Since I live in Toronto, I have no access to an intestinal transplant, which I would agreed to in a heartbeat, despite the risks, guess all I can do is pray that daily TPN will save my life. I’ve alwasy fought so hard not to give in to this rotten illness since I was first diagnosed at age 20, but finally, at age 50, I surrender, it’s just too much for my body to cope with, I don’t know what the hell to do. When death begins looking more appealing as a release from the physical and mental suffering, I know I’m screwed. Any of you faced this, and if so, what did you do to solve the problem? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks for letting me vent,

Eric 😫😫😫😫😫😫

Original Post
Copyright © 2019 The J-Pouch Group. All rights reserved.
×
×
×
×