Dear Laura,
It's hard for people who aren't in our situation to understand the reality we live with. Like "accidents". I used to love hiking and just walking for exercise but because of perpetual, serious diaper rash walking is painful and three blocks is often my maximum.
I had always had high energy and a sense of adventure but the colitis drained me. It started in 1990 and I was in and out of remission for ten years. After multiple hospital stays, with my weight dropping to 90 pounds, a total lack of energy, and intravenous feeding, the "operation" seemed like my last resort. That was in 2001.
It DID make a difference and I'm glad that I had it. My doctor said I had a choice: the operation or a funeral. I still have lots of stools a day but I can actually go four or more hours during the day without running to the bathroom. I can sit through a two-hour class or a movie and work in the garden. I did get my life back, more or less. I also can eat almost everything but try to avoid high fiber foods.
Do you have certain times of day when you feel better? When do you have the most energy? What gives you pleasure? Do you get out of the house?
Since I retired I've been more involved with volunteer activities, belong to a study-discussion group to socialize and keep my brain cells challenged, and do "projects". I recommend it. By the way, I'm about to celebrate my 83rd birthday in two weeks.
Have you considered seeing a mental health therapist? Mine really helped me get through the worst of my "downers" when I realized I would never be "normal" again. I try my best to stay positive. I know it's not easy to do when your body has let you down.
Toni