Interesting she is a vegetarian...I was too and honestly had to give it up after I had surgery. All the protein sources were just too much (beans, lentils, lots of rough fibre in vegetables) and made my pouch empty 20X/day and lots of watery diakrrea. I couldn't get the nutrients and protein needed just from the diet and I was pretty diligent. I felt a lot better when I added lean meat, cut out the high-insoluable fibre sources and went lactose free. Have you tried an elimination diet, adding foods back very gradually? I had no lactose issues my entire life until I had surgery, then was suddenly lactose intolerant after.
Also, yes ER's for J pouch patients are awful-I'm in Canada too. They have no idea what to do with us fo the most part if the problem is related to the pouch.