Hello, Brian B Tampa.
I hope you're still visiting this site to see the support that you have after members have read your last post. I hope you haven't given up on this site because here you will find words of support, help, suggestions. Maybe you've tried everything, but there just might be one person who reads your anxious note and has tips or a solution you could try, or someone you can contact through. Private message. You don't have to be alone in this, okay?
I won't write breezy words or tell you something you already know. That's like telling a desperate, sad person hanging off a ledge to just cheer up. I work in peer support for cancer patients and I know that is not helpful.
You have bad days. Some days are dark and depressing. You might not see how your days can get better, maybe you think you will always be alone. Come back to this site and write how you're feeling, and see how there are more people to help you, than not. Try to give yourself half a day in the week, just half a day, where you refuse to think about your situation. If the thoughts come, push, or shove those thoughts aside, and do something else, just for that half day. Or half an hour, to start. When that break is up, go back to whatever you were doing or thinking. Next week, extend that break time by five minutes. Give your mind a short time to rest and gather your strength. This exercise doesn't cancel your J pouch, but it can give you an emotional rest which is just as important as a physical one. Don't give up on yourself or this site. Please.