Brian, I had a J pouch for 30 years and can relate to the problems that you are experiencing. I developed techniques that helped me to live a somewhat normal life. During this time, I held a full-time job, traveled internationally, had a horse breeding business and competed in equestrian competitions. I was also single during part of that time and had a good sex life.
When recurrent high grade dysplasia and a malignant polyp in the anal canal made it necessary to have my J pouch removed, I got a BCIR (similar to a K pouch) since I strongly did not want a conventional ileostomy with its associated issues. I have now had a BCIR for 7 years and it has given me a very good quality of life. Please feel free to contact me wit a PM if you would like to talk.
Bill