Hi Mema,
First, take a deep breath and think about what is or has been going on in your life before all of this started.
Most times our problems have nothing to do with our problems but with something else, just under the surface that is bugging, worrying or scaring us...
It could be PTSD popping up at the worst time (is it ever a good time?), it could be situational stress or just a knee-jerk reaction to a situation.
Example: For the 8 yrs prior to my k pouch I was absolutely, totally incontinent, out of control. I had 4 or 5 surgeries including 2 gracillis muscle flaps that cost a fortune in time, money & pain. The 1st gave me 18 months of life (the 1st time ever!) and the 2nd, not even 2 minutes.
I went to high school, work, out and always in danger of "losing it"...and it happened often. I finally gave up, gave in and had my k pouch.
I was out with my dad for the 1st time post op and I felt the tell-tale cramp-clench-urge to go and knew for a fact that I was going to lose it on the street...Except that I didn't have anything to lose anymore...I had a k pouch.
I stood there, shaking and sweating, in near tears...but my brain could not wrap itself around the concept of my new biology...it still reacted to the 'cramp' as if I was still hooked up.
I needed to retrain my brain...so I started by concocting a little phrase for myself that I would repeat at every cramp...."you can't have an accident, you can't because you are not hooked up" (in those days I still had my colon but it was unhooked)...I repeated it constantly trying to teach my brain not to react...It took a while, I still got the automatic wave of panic and funny enough sometimes, albeit rarely, still do...but I mastered it in the end...it was easier when the took my colon...less cramping but I had phantom pains for years and still do occasionally...I have to talk myself 'down from the ledge' whenever I get one...telling my brain that it is ok...It can't hurt me anymore...that I won't lose it.
I am a great believer in biofeedback, internal conversations, retraining of the brain etc...if you associate a movement or action to the words it gets easier...I counted backward...10, 9...until it went away using my fingers to count as reinforcement...
In those days they would have just considered me crazy (1979) if I had told them so I had figure things out myself. Deep breathing helps.
It might not make it all disappear but it may help you get control over the emotions that cause the panic...
Sharon