I will do my best to keep the emotional stuff out of this because i know this isn't a mental health forum but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't making me depressed and anxious. So if you read that into my words, please be kind.
I am 41, and it took me 11 years since my last surgery (had a 3-stage) to stabilize my life. Ulcerative colitis pretty much destroyed most of my young adult years and my career. The surgery should have come so much sooner. Pouch works fine but I have mild pouchitis that is chronic and must be maintained with Flagyl so I don't leak in bed or have tailbone pain. (I've been worried lately about a possible prolapse but if it is, then it isn't super severe. I had a scope 2 weeks ago and I don't know if they'd have seen a prolapse that way. GI appointment on Tuesday).
Which brings me to now. I want to have a baby. I don't even know if it's possible. Husband and I are trying to make sure we do everything we can not to mess this up. If we can't conceive with our own eggs and sperm then we'll adopt. IVF is not for me, for a lot of reasons I don't want to get into.
My doctor did tell me that Flagyl is contraindicated for conceiving, pregnancy, and breastfeeding. My friend who is a nurse looked this up and told me that the results on this are mixed. Anybody have insight on that one? Did you take Flagyl while pregnant?
Being 41 is obviously a risk. Having a J pouch is obviously a risk. I've made peace with the C-section thing. I've made peace with the Downs Syndrome thing. I'm in pretty good physical shape and look younger than I am. So does my husband. My period was weird last year (thought I needed ovarian surgery) but it fixed itself once I removed a major stressor from my life. We're both totally ready for it.
It's a thing I never imagined would ever be possible for me. In addition to the UC/pouch, I also came from a pretty dysfunctional family. That's why I waited this long. I was staunchly in the "child-free" camp until a few months ago, when the fog cleared and I felt like I'd finally gained some control over my mental health and life for the first time. Suddenly, being a mother just made sense in a way it never did before. It admittedly freaked me out a bit.
Now that I want to do it, I am afraid it's too late for me, and that I have way too many things working against me.
Can anybody show me a hopeful light? I've read some of the pregnancy stories on here and they seem to be about what I would expect. I just don't know, obviously, which group I'll fall into. Importantly, I think all the J pouch moms were a lot younger than me.
Some days I feel really inspired and other days it feels hopeless. We have actually not even really started "trying" yet because I'm waiting for the GI doc appointment in case she wants to scope me again or CT scan anything and if some miracle occurs and we get it on the first try I won't be able to get anaesthesia or a CT scan if I am already pregnant.
Anyway sorry this is so long. Any thoughts would be appreciated.