Hi CureJLB.
You're right that there is no easy answer for the decision in your son's treatment. I watched as my mom tried to make agonizing decisions on what to do with my treatment.
I was slightly older than your son when I had my colectomy. I was diagnosed with UC at 13 and had my colectomy at 15 nearly 13 years ago. Remicade had just come out on the market in that time. I had of course tried it, but it failed. There weren't very many options for treatment like there are now, so surgery to remove my colon was basically the only option that my mom had come to. I, myself, didn't want the surgery at first, but there was nothing able to control the bleeding, so I had my colectomy on emergency. I had a 3 step surgery for my j-pouch.
Looking back, I actually had a great quality of life. I was pain free, and I was off all medications. Though, at first the ileostomy was a little hard to handle at first, I soon got used to it. I could eat whatever I wanted. I was healthy for the first time in months. Though, what really helped me was that my mom was with me every step of the way. She was with me for every bag change. She was my rock at the time, and she made the experience so positive. All she wanted to see was that I was healthy, and the surgery just did that. In turn, I was able to accept the ileostomy much better. It saved my life.
I know there is still a long road ahead for you and your son. There are still many tough decisions that you will need to make, but know that your son looks to you for guidance. Whatever decisions you make will be for your son's best interest. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.
-Rina