Don't feel sorry about the rant at all..i just vented a few days ago on here also..i am 7 months in from my take down date. I am a emotional wreck sometimes...I like this forum because I can vent and somebody here understands. I go about 5 to 6 times a day on a good day I can get it down to 4 times.. i wake up in the middle of the night at 3am every night. Which causes me to be tired daily 😴. I have mixed emotions also about the whole surgery thinking maybe I should have tried the meds before allowing them to remove my large intestine. The 8 months of colostomy bag was very life changing. I will say not having UC and no GI mess is awesome. But on the other hand the J Pouch has its upside and downs...And it is not perfect by far but having a place like this forum and a great support system we can all work together to make it through.