I honestly don't know if this is a rant or a rave -- I only know that I am freaking out at the moment.
After being put off and put off and put off -- after speaking with my surgeon on the 5th and being warned that surgery wasn't likely to happen before February -- with everything else going on, the hospital just phone and informed me that my surgery has been scheduled for Monday the 18th. AS IN ONE WEEK!
Ack, ack, ack!! I know I've been grousing about the surgery being delayed, but I honestly thought I had more time to get a few things stabilized and prepped... Although nothing can ever be perfect, I know. And I really do feel that I need this surgery to be able to get finally healthy and move on...
Is anyone willing to take on a prematurely ageing father in the beginning stages of dementia OR a 15-year-old with mental health issues OR a large & loveable but completely doofy dog? Or if anyone just has a magic wand to make all the stress sort itself out until after I'm healed up (or, what the heck, permanently would be nice!), could I borrow it pleeeeeaaaaase?
Going to go and try to breathe my way through the panic...
Gin
Awwww Gin,
your post brought a tear to my eye. I probably speak for many here in saying we all felt those feelings before our surgeries my love. Sometimes, as with me, your so ill before surgery your body goes into survival mode and it hides a lot of the realities away from you and you just go through the motions.
I had 6 surgeries, 4 of those went extremely badly, 3 of those were over a 9 day period, 2 were to safe my life and 3 were emergency surgeries where i didnt get time to think to much of it. I had MRSA (one of first cases in Wales), a huge blood clot near my bum bum and my first try at the jpouch leaked the first bit of food id had the pleasure of eating via my mouth in almost 4 months! I indeed thought my enjoyment of life would never return. How wrong i was, my life took off. First Op ment a 4 month stay in hospital for me, but Gee-Wizz when i finally escaped i went to stay with an uncle in London for a well deserved break, id allways loved London (Swansea, Wales is my home city), that was in1997......i still have not gone home!! Hahaaa....i went home for my surgeries and of course i visit my family often but all the extreme trauma i endured turned out to be well worth it, it give me the chance to change my whole life, iv travelled around the world too, my first boyfriend and i went back packing around Europe for a month before i was due to go for my 2nd surgery, that trip saved my life. It got me so fit and healthy that simply put, in any other state i wouldnt be here know!
My story and message to you is this, truely, i think in life every single thing happens for a reason, it may be tough and hard to see positives at this time but the full circle experience will come around and you will get through it i promise. None of us can go through what we do, what we live with etc and not come out a better person because of that experience surely?
One more little thing, almost a god like gift, once my Colon was removed it quickly became evident to me that it itself was the root problem of my stresses and anxieties and health issues, my seemingly impossible inability to deal with even the smallest stresses and many more things....once it was gone life became a whole lot easier. Im sure it will work out the same for you. It takes time though and you must give yourself a break, if your ill accept it and suffer it? Dont wish for this or that, go with it as its part of the procsess.
Life gets better....
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