Being gay with a j-pouch

Hi everyone,

I'm 22 years old, and was diagnosed with UC when I was 15. When I was 16, I underwent 2 surgeries to have the j-pouch after none of the medications seemed to control my UC (aside from Prednisone, which you can't take forever). I've never been in a serious relationship with anyone, as I'm still trying sort out my sexual orientation. However, I feel as though I may be gay or bi-sexual. I'm just curious as to how having a j-pouch can affect your sex life if you're in a relationship or having intercourse with someone of the same gender. Is anal sex possible? This is a really embarrassing thing for me to ask, but I'm just curious in case that day ever comes lol.
 
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Send a private message to Eric, he'll be able to give you all sorts of information. I think that generally anal sex after j-pouch creation is a no-no.

Welcome to the site!

kathy Big Grin
 
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Unfortunately, this is something it seems few doctors discuss. A shame, since this is an important question for others, even if not gay.

Anyway, I am not sure there is a strict rule, and it probably depends on a lot of factors. But, basically, yes anal intercourse is possible, but for all the reasons you can imagine, it can be risky. You don't know if you have an anal stricture, or if your pouch is quite short, or other limitations. The structure of the ileum is different than the rectum, which is much more elastic and distendable. The rectum also has thicker walls, so is more durable.

Yeah, talk to Eric. He has a k-pouch now, bot had a j-pouch for a number of years.

Jan Smiler
 
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Hi there,
I am a 25 year old gay male. At birth, most of my intestines burst, and they were removed. I now only have 1/2 of my small bowel left - and have lived fine with no complications for my entire life. I am married in a gay relationship, and while I am not the "bottom" in the relationship, I do engage in anal sex from time to time, whether it be from a penis, fingers, or sex toys. I have had absolutely no complications or issues at all. However, I have been like this for more than 25 years - however, your surgery was a few years ago, and I'm sure your body has healed in that time frame. So a short answer to your question: yes, anal sex is possible.
 
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I am a woman and heterosexual. I have a jpouch and my doctor told me I am never allowed to have anal sex.
 
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Hey all,
So I'm 17 living with a j-pouch (as of a few days ago). I'm just wondering what some of your advice is on sex. Obviously, anal sex seems to be the hot topic- specifically for the mate who is on the receiving end. However, I'm more curious delivering. Have you all had any problems holding stool in during sex? If so, what's some helpful advice?
Also, how have you all broken the news about the j-pouch/ileostomy to a potential boyfriend?
Let me know.
 
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I sent Eric a message. I hope he replies. Smiler
 
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Kharma, my prayers are with you my friend.
 
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Not that I know anything whatsoever about this but...would it be feasible to contact a sort or physiotherapist specialising in j pouches and pelvic floor dysfunction etc and see if they had some advice on this sort of thing? If anyone understands how delicate the region is it would be them and they may have some advice especially on how to prepare yourself if it is the first time post pouch creation.
Good luck guys...this cannot be easy at any level for you.
Sharon
 
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Gay man here and I discussed this at length with my surgeons.

For full disclosure, I'm a bottom, so when I say I questioned the surgeon at length, I mean it. I even talked about options to the traditional ileo-anal surgery, talked about the option of keeping my rectum and my ileostomy indefinitely. None of those are good decisions for various reasons.

Anyway, anal sex after J-pouch is a definite no. Sorry.
 
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Thank you for your openness. My primary care physician isn't even comfortable giving me a digital prostate exam.
 
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Dog did you get a reason as to why its a no no?
 
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I think that anyone who has a jpouch is told by their doctors NOT to have anal sex. You had surgery there and don't want to disrupt it. I had several surgeries, including a redo, and if there's the smallest possible chance of disturbing anything I would not do it. After being what I have been through, mentally it would not be enjoyable anyway. I think the question to ask if you want anal sex is are there people out there with jpouches whose doctors told them it is okay.
 
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Hey its tough but I've always thought it best to never try. I'm so pleased to have been able to have the surgery for my J Pouch and would never want to have to give it up for an outside pouch! maybe think of that?

My issue is my laparotomy scar from the operation as it was infected when I had surgery and is really obvious 3 years later Frowner i'm very conscious of what other guys think when they see me naked.
 
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Murray:
The main reasons I was given:
1) The small intestine is not as elastic as your colon. You risk rupturing your pouch.

2) The J-pouch is attached to what is left of your rectum, you could tear it loose or cause leakage at that site.

3) Unspecified "serious" injury

Even the thought that I might need surgery down there again is enough to keep me from even trying again. You know?

DavidJames:
I hear yeah.
 
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Enough with all the definite "no" responses above. I know people mean well but you have no idea how disheartening and unhelpful it is to be told this from people who have no idea what the inside of someone else's j-pouch looks like. I would ask that people stop responding like this. Everyone's j-pouch is different, therefore there is no universal answer for any question relating to our pouches.

Kharma, I am a 27 year old gay man, and like you had my j-pouch created when I was 18, before I was sexually active.

Do not be embarassed about asking the question - it doesn't matter what your orientation is, and it doesn't matter if you don't know, but the only way to be more empowered is with knowledge, so you've made the right step by asking the question.

Having said that, the only person who can answer your question the most accurately is your surgeon and medical team. Only they know what the inside of your pouch looks like. They may say yes, they may so no.

In my case I returned to my surgeon a few years after my op with the question. He was helpful and unprejudiced (as all should be, but unfortunately not all will be), and gave me the answer, which in my case was yes: it would be okay but tread slowly and carefully.

I'd encourage you to speak to your surgeon and medical team. Don't feel embarrased - it's the only way to get the best answer. If the answer is yes, congratulations, and be careful, don't go crazy. If it's a no, then that's okay too. Queer culture may make you believe it's all about penetration, but it really isn't, and finding someone you love will help you with that journey.

DM with any questions.
 
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Very well said Cdub... Inform your partner and take it slow.
 
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what about small anal toys for the heterosexual jpouchers?
 
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Have you ever tried inserting anything up your anus with the J-pouch? I'm considering getting the J-Pouch procedure and my surgeon said fingering would still be okay.
 
Originally Posted by Dog:
Gay man here and I discussed this at length with my surgeons.

For full disclosure, I'm a bottom, so when I say I questioned the surgeon at length, I mean it. I even talked about options to the traditional ileo-anal surgery, talked about the option of keeping my rectum and my ileostomy indefinitely. None of those are good decisions for various reasons.

Anyway, anal sex after J-pouch is a definite no. Sorry.

 

 
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Hi Bret. See my post above, but yes, if your surgeon has said it may be okay then he's definitely the best-informed person (after yourself) to tell you this. Take it easy, experiment somewhere safe and comfortable, with plenty lube, and see what's possible.

 
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Thanks, Cdub.

 

Did you get the Dialogue I started with you?

 
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Yes, replied now.

 
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I created an account to speak to this issue. I'm on the other end, and am in a long-term relationship with a j-pouch recipient. Both of us being men, anal intercourse was discussed. We agreed it was simply too risky. Honestly, it isn't a big deal for me. I think you will find that if you are upfront and you really like each other, you can come up with all kinds of creative alternatives. Please don't be discouraged or embarrassed. Sure, it might be a physical limitation, but it is in no way a deal breaker.
 
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Thanks for the input, Defiant1.

 

I am awaiting more consultation with surgeons, but I figure J Pouch is the option I'm going to settle on.

 

I'm open to a relationship after that, but would never kid myself: I won't be sexually compatible with or desirable to a large portion of eligible men and I won't get what I truly want because my heart is on the bottom. 

 

I'm about to turn 40 and have plenty of other concerns and interests. I have usually been single and am comfortable romantically unattached, if not alone. I don't see romance in my cards and I'm okay with that.

 

Thank you for sharing your story and supporting a boyfriend with this condition.

 
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Hi, old discussion but still new to a lot of us. I've had my J-Pouch for about three years now, always believing other peoples answers about "NO ANAL SEX". But my question was finally answered from my surgeon himself. He bluntly told me that anal sex for me should be no problem. Not only did enough time for it to heal passed, but he said the pouch is a few inches long, enough to not worry about it getting destroyed. But to start slowly. I HIGHLY recommend you discuss it with your surgeons. It has taken a heavy weight off my shoulders and put my mind at ease. I'm not openly gay (yet) but i managed to have the guts (pun intended) to tell my surgeon how i felt...great decision. 

 
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Congratulations, that's great news and I'm really pleased for you.  Good luck!

 
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Good luck, alfmed. Let us know how your experimentation goes.

 

Best of wishes navigating life gay, as well. If you come out of the closet, I'll think you'll find that people will trust and respect you more. You'll have a lot of fun, too

 
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