Sharon, like you I have had it both ways: as the “patient/recipient” and as the caregiver and can personally attest to the feelings and the will of the ill partner to recover based on the efforts of their caregiver. My wife at the time of my first surgery (J pouch with temporary ileo) essentially abandoned me and started what became an ugly divorce with the initial loss of my two daughters. I experienced no love or intimacy for a long period of time (a real bummer). A number of years later, I met a Polish journalist who had recently been diagnosed with recurrent cancer. Everything went well from the start and we shared our medical “conditions” very early in our relationship. We were married within months of meeting and pursued treatments to attempt a cure. I remember being with her many nights when she experienced severe pain and nausea from the brutal chemo and radiation treatments she underwent. I also remember the many hours I spent online researching her condition and locating clinical trial studies (she participated in 8) and communicating with cancer researchers worldwide. One of the trials was at the Naval Hospital through NIH in Bethesda, MD in which we had to fly there for a three day stay each month for almost a year. Her various treatments extended her life for six years and provided for good quality times together. I feel very good about having been her caregiver and would do it again for someone I loved. That said, I miss her greatly.
Four years later, I met my current wife and the intimacy, companionship and love we have shared has more than made up for all of my bad years. She was with me 100% during my latest diagnosis and BCIR surgery, and I really appreciated it. Being a caregiver can be a very rewarding experience and one in which the person being cared for may be in too much discomfort to express their appreciation. But I really feel that my late wife paid me back by bringing my very loving and caring current wife and me together.
Bill